And you may ask yourself, do I really live in a basement? And you may find yourself reflected back in 12 inexpensive mirrors, the kind that you placed all over to make the place look bigger, and to capture more of the daylight that finds its way into your window, the kind they sell on the second floor of Fred Meyer for $9.99, down the aisle from the little lamps with the zebra-print shades. And you may see 12 of you, 12 faces looking back at you, all nodding affirmatively, each hovering over a large metal salad bowl filled with oatmeal. How did you afford so many of these mirrors? That's an easy one - you work hard, you mostly eat oatmeal, and you live in a basement.
Soon you'll join the super-rich.
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Having second thoughts about basement living? Consider this alternative.
Life form | Quick and dirty way | Proper method |
Ants | Spread cinnamon liberally around wherever you see them. | Trap and release. |
Beetles | Trap and release. | Invite to lunch with the spiders and centipedes. |
Spiders, centipedes | Ignore them, they are your friends! |
Create a welcoming environment |
Mice or feral cats |
See one? Add the other. Better than Saturday morning TV. |
Trap and send to Hollywood. |
Raccoons. | Just don't make eye contact. | *Bait and switch. |
*Bait and switch: Leave garbage and food in a place where the raccoon can find it, retreat to a far corner, and don't move. While he busies himself with a snack, grab your sleeping bag and hammock, leave quietly, lock the door, and go live in his former house in the neighbor's oak tree - you'll get more fresh air and he'll be stuck with that noisy dehumidifier.
Speaking of which, it's time to gear-up on gadgets.
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Next week: Feng Shui for hobbits!
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